Used Car Salesman

So why are BMW drivers cocks?

We have all been there, sat in the outside lane of the motorway, looked in the rear view mirror and there it is: the unmistakeable kidney grille of a 3 Series sitting 4 inches from your rear bumper. It doesn’t matter how fast you are driving, he’s there, normally wearing some sort of designer sunglasses and chatting away on the phone. I do have to say though that this doesn’t stop at BMW drivers now; the BMW in your rear view mirror now has competition from the four rings of Audi too!

So the question is, why? As the answer to this question is of national importance I am going to attempt to answer this for you.

I have just spent a short time working for a BMW dealer, (a lot shorter than I expected but hey, that’s another story!) Part and parcel of working in the motor trade means plenty of demonstrators available. (For those of you not in the trade, demonstrators means: cars I get to take home.) Normally your demo gets swapped and changed at the drop of a hat so in the awkward short time I had at BMW I commuted home in a 1 Series, a 2 Series, a 4 Series and two different 3 Series, together with driving and demonstrating all the cars up for sale.

At the moment I am utterly convinced that the 4 Series is the prettiest car on the road and if I had the choice of any company car or if I needed to buy a car (and had enough money) I would be signing the finance docs for a 4 Series M Sport. To keep up BMW standards, of course, I would have to get myself a private number plate and a new pair of sunglasses!

But enough of me drooling over what I believe to be the sexiest car on the road at the moment, this isn’t why you are here reading this blog.

So why this view?

Bear with me on this one; I may go off on a tangent to get to the point!

Before getting the keys to my new demo – a lovely little 2 Series M Sport – my mode of transport was a heavily kitted out Honda Civic Tourer diesel which I will always rate as a very good car. Being the Civic Estate, it escaped from the shocking rear-view visibility that the 5 door suffers from and to be fair I think the Civic Tourer is a good-looking car. Working for Honda and driving all the cars in anger, I can’t really fault any of their range (other than the odd CR-Z – which I don’t really understand). Using this as a sales tool, I have been known to say to customers ‘why would you buy prestige when Honda’s are this good?!’ Hondas are good, better by far than Toyota, Ford, Nissan and even VW, but are they actually better than BMW? I found this answer out after driving my new BMW 218d M Sport in white for about 7 miles! It’s in another league! And this was just a 2 Series… Yes, I know those of you who are in the trade or are car geeks will be saying ‘Yes, yes, yes, but the specification in the BMW will be shite compared to the Civic,’ and you would be right! The BMW lacks a lot of things that are standard from the mainstream manufacturers, such as the likes of a reverse camera, sat nav, panoramic roof, tinted windows, leather, keyless entry and even simple things on some models like cruise control, parking sensors and a central arm rest.

The drive of all the BMW range is breath-taking. I have driven a lot of cars but nothing like what gets tested on Top Gear or Fifth Gear, mainly run-of-the-mill, everyday cars, which I don’t think is a bad thing; it means that I can report a good car that’s not out of reach of 90% of the population!

What drove this home to me was driving a 320d M Sport for a week or so, covering around 1,000 miles. As most of the journey was motorway it wasn’t until the last quarter of the journey home that I realised how good these cars are. The last driver of this car (and he will probably read this blog ;-)) had set a speed warning at what could only be described as licence losing speed! As I was trying this car out, after the speed warning had chimed for the 3^rd time, I thought I had better have a look at the instrument panel and see what was happening to the car. I eased off slightly and stopped concentrating on the racing line of the fast A roads I know like the back of my hand and that I had driven other cars hard on before and was shocked to see that the chime was programmed at let’s just say 3 figures! 3 times it had chimed! The driveability of these cars is like I have never experienced, the confidence that the car gives you even when you aren’t on the limit is superb. The speed and handling that the car can deliver, although on a long commute this can be overlooked – pay attention to what you and the car are actually doing and you will be very, very impressed. You will then see why that the Ray Ban wearing BMW driver who is sat on your rear bumper is actually there – because he or she is finding it easier to get from A to B than you! And faster!

BMW’s advertising has always been ‘The Ultimate Driving Machine’ and more recently ‘Sheer Driving Pleasure.’ I’d agree. So next time you mutter ‘wanker’ under your breath at a BMW driver who is tailgating you, pulled out on your or just not bothered indicating, just tell yourself that you need to drive a BMW for a couple of days to experience what I’m talking about.

I do need to add to this though: I’m from the era of front wheel drive cars! I have never driven a Capri or never really had a rear wheel drive for very long. I’m used to the front end pushing wide at speed and I can deal with that. I have to admit that I did have an old 316 for a few weeks as a temporary fix while waiting for an insurance payout for my stolen Ford Puma. This did result in a ‘Watch This’ situation, thinking that I can be the Stig and get the rear end smoking! This resulted in me going round a roundabout backwards. Luckily (for me) other than a lady in a Megane Scenic screaming, resulted in no death, no damage and no brown trousers! All rear wheel drive cars have to be respected in the wet or at the limit. It is always in the back of your mind when pressing on that the rear could step out, as good as the traction control is, if you are on the limit or poor weather conditions then you will be on the phone to the insurance company, filing a total loss claim before the accident has actually taken place!

Would I pay the extra for the driveability of a BMW over the functional mainstream car? Hell yes!